Someone got their peanut butter in my chocolate.
Today's meeting was supposed to be on call model possibilities.
Me: Okay. First thing's first. Out of all John Hughes movies, which is superior. Breakfast Club... (pause for suspense) or Sixteen Candles?
Everyone: (Low whistle / rumblings and wide eyes)
The group grows more argumentative as I slip out on tip toes, before closing the door, I say four words:
Me: Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
I shut the door with the devil's smile just as the group bellows out.
Almost two hours later, a handful are still there, I hear someone say something along the lines of "Save Ferris." two are discussing Judd Nelson's "Hotness" I go to the white board and write: "Pretty in Pink."
Women: SQUEE!
Men: Dammit, John. This changes everything.
Justin Bieber states he is “An artist and should be taken seriously.”
Somewhere, an employee at SUBWAY is clapping very, very slowly.
This monkey has gone to heaven…
My layoff date is coming up.
I have officially checked out mentally of this place, but the work I do is still going to be of quality, because it’s not fair to saddle other people with my sloth and bitterness because of impending release.
But when it comes to meetings, my attendance and input is mostly pointless.
Considering I should be helming at least two more of these, I’ve decided to make them a little more interesting on the way out.
The following are topics I have put on our white board before everyone has arrived for several meetings. (Forgive the lack of pics. there is a camera in there and I am NOT about to get fired before my severance package for getting caught taking a pic)
- “Today: Who stole my favorite pen. No one leaves the room until it’s returned.”
- “Sexy: How to bring it back in the 3rd quarter and how do we keep it there.”
- “God is seven, because Man is five and the devil is six. But where does that leave Chauncy from the Mail Room?”
- “Seriously: That pen was a gift from my grandmother.”
- “Halving a donut and putting the other in the half back in the box: STOP IT”
- “Responsibilities of shouting: What’s in the box?! when the UPS man arrives to be rotated.”
- “Master Ninja Theme Song.”
- “Nap Time: Implementation and how to get around H.R.”
Let’s hope the next place “gets” me, the way a lot of these people have.
I’m still kinda terrified.
