I wonder how much SPIRIT airlines will charge for these bags I got packed.
I imagine my son lets out a huge sigh when he texts me.
My daughter’s joke book has questionable art work.
Just gave my 16 year old a pack if condoms.
Because I’m not stupid.
Because I can’t keep track of him 24/7, nor should I need to.
Because there were many reasons I left Catholicism.
Because I helped raise a confident, smart kid, but hormones are natural, not a source of shame.
Because I am his dad.
It’s hard to feel bad about Hulk Hogan’s money problems when you realize what he spends monthly on yellow tank tops.
My phone is out of commission until later this evening. If you need to get in touch with me, yell to the shirtless guy on the water tower clawing at his neck skin.
TV Weatherman: Be careful driving because of black ice, as it's much more dangerous than white...
Black News Anchor: (Raises eyebrow)
BREAKING: Matthew Mconaughey nominated for an emmy for his Oscar speech.
BREAKING: Travolta’s wig stylist wins honorary Oscar.
I can’t wait until next year when Simply Red sings ‘Holding Back the Years’ as the post IN MEMORIUM song.
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled…
Bono looks like Robin Williams using Nintendo 64 graphics.
ANNE HATHAWAYS DRESS IS SENDING MORSE CODE TO UKRAINIANS “WE ARE WITH YOU”