May 2013
2 tags
May 24th
12 notes
May 24th
23 notes
Dubstep was invented to stop people from lazily...
May 24th
35 notes
3 tags
Doctor Who as done by Rifftrax?! →
Someone got their peanut butter in my chocolate.
May 24th
9 notes
May 24th
24 notes
The Boy Scouts of America have just earned the...
May 24th
13 notes
1 tag
Today's meeting was supposed to be on call model...
Me: Okay. First thing's first. Out of all John Hughes movies, which is superior. Breakfast Club... (pause for suspense) or Sixteen Candles?
Everyone: (Low whistle / rumblings and wide eyes)
The group grows more argumentative as I slip out on tip toes, before closing the door, I say four words:
Me: Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
I shut the door with the devil's smile just as the group bellows out.
Almost two hours later, a handful are still there, I hear someone say something along the lines of "Save Ferris." two are discussing Judd Nelson's "Hotness" I go to the white board and write: "Pretty in Pink."
Women: SQUEE!
Men: Dammit, John. This changes everything.
May 23rd
21 notes
1 tag
May 23rd
51 notes
The Bacon Weave Quesadilla | DudeFoods.com Food... →
The Bacon Weave Quesadilla. A chicken and cheese quesadilla made with two bacon tortillas. PORN
May 23rd
7 notes
I bet the deleted scenes of 'The Master' make up a...
May 23rd
11 notes
May 23rd
28 notes
“Talk to the hand.”
– Hamburger Helper mascot’s butler to solicitors.
May 23rd
18 notes
Justin Bieber states he is "An artist and should...
Somewhere, an employee at SUBWAY is clapping very, very slowly.
May 22nd
33 notes
May 22nd
20 notes
1 tag
This monkey has gone to heaven...
My layoff date is coming up. I have officially checked out mentally of this place, but the work I do is still going to be of quality, because it’s not fair to saddle other people with my sloth and bitterness because of impending release. But when it comes to meetings, my attendance and input is mostly pointless. Considering I should be helming at least two more of these, I’ve...
May 22nd
58 notes
May 22nd
35 notes
May 22nd
26 notes
2 tags
May 22nd
5 notes
May 21st
21 notes
May 21st
7 notes
I'm teaching my son humility because I AM THE...
May 21st
35 notes
3 tags
May 20th
8 notes
In other news, America Online just purchased...
May 20th
31 notes
May 20th
37 notes
Thanks to ABC FAMILY, today I learned that any...
May 19th
29 notes
May 19th
21 notes
I was invited to a boat show, and I said "I only...
Suddenly an Ed Hardy shirt 2 sizes too small appeared on my torso.
May 19th
22 notes
2 tags
May 19th
55 notes
May 19th
24 notes
May 19th
37 notes
1 tag
BTW
Am I the only one who avoided Tumblr all day to avoid spoiling Doctor Who for me? Anyone OKAY EVERYONE SHUTUP WATCHING IT NOW
May 19th
19 notes
May 19th
182 notes
May 18th
24 notes
1 tag
May 18th
35 notes
1 tag
I need to go home
(At work, about to call vendor whose last name is spelled 'Pusey.' Dials phone)
Me: (to self) Okay, idiot. Pronounce it 'Puh-sigh.' Don't do it you moron. You're not 12. This is adulthood. 'Puh-sigh.' 'Puh-sigh.'
Person answers: Hello?
Me: Yes. May vagina speak to... um... Can I...
Person: Uh...
(Hangs up phone. Slowly pushes away from desk, quietly lays down on floor)
May 17th
28 notes
1 tag
May 17th
44 notes
1 tag
May 17th
23 notes
2 tags
May 17th
35 notes
May 17th
30 notes
“Winter is coming.”
– Assistant director on porn film, ‘Chad Winter’s Big Day at the Sorority’
May 17th
23 notes
May 17th
15 notes
Stream the entire brand The National album on... →
You’re welcome
May 16th
6 notes
May 16th
41 notes
May 16th
19 notes
May 16th
42 notes
May 16th
23 notes
1 tag
May 15th
48 notes
May 15th
22 notes
1 tag
“I passed all of my exams, except for Professor Gandalf’s. He’s such...”
– Students at Middle Earth University
May 15th
10 notes
It's beautiful when someone can reblog your post...
When that person posted recently that they hope a couple of people who pulled a prank will “kill themselves.” I’m more annoyed that they made me look up the spelling of ‘Hypocrite.’
May 15th
28 notes