January 2011
Hey. For serious. In just barely over a year, I...
Happy New Year to all of you.
New Year's Drinking game!
Everytime someone at your party winces when Dick Clark speaks, take a drink.
December 2010
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11 in 11'
11. Prepare myself mentally for my daughter starting public school.
10. “Interview” my mom and start documenting her rich history. I still have a lot to learn from her.
9. Put the past behind me by reminding myself it’s called “the past” for a reason.
8. Stop hesitating in what I post in my blog because of insecurities about being judged.
7. Make sure the internet...
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“And I rose
Over a town raised up by the sound of its drone
And I rode
Higher...”
– Soldier’s Grin by Wolf Parade
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Nothing eats me up more than a bad cannibal joke.
Anonymous asked: Dude. Sorry about what happaned to you but maybe stay away from the details. It wasn't really something I wanted to read while eating cereal LOL!
Keep up the funny man!
Keep up the funny man!
Anonymous asked: Dude. Sorry about what happaned to you but maybe stay away from the details. It wasn't really something I wanted to read while eating cereal LOL!
Keep up the funny man!
Keep up the funny man!
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I am reblogging this song, because when I posted...
ashamedtosay asked: Thank God you screamed. I am sorry this happened to you, and damn, I admire your ability to give your Uncle your forgiveness in his last hours. You are a remarkable person, John. A lot of other people would have been ruined by that week forever.
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Imagination
( Fair warning: This post contains some uncomfortable sexual content )
I come from a huge family. Hispanic catholic done right. My mother has three sisters and three brothers. Most of them are here in Texas and they are all very close. As siblings should be. Growing up, my mother had no money for daycare or a sitter. I was in the care of family from time to time, while she worked as a waitress....
I just sanitized an eye patch. A passing by...
Paying it forward, I said. Just paying it forward.
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MY TOP 10 FAVORITE TWEETS OF 2010
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Really, I'm not kidding when I say my labrador is...
Hand to dog.
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EYE PATCH UPDATE: I'm considering shoving a slice...
Because my motto is (and has been for quite some time): “Sure.”
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Truthful Tuesday
Whenever I see a truck with the decal that says ‘Slapaho Tribe’ I go out of my way to cut them off in traffic.
theblueeyedzombie asked: If you were to perform in the circus, what would you do?
theblueeyedzombie asked: If you were to perform in the circus, what would you do?
Surprisingly, not one pirate joke yet...
* The Christmas tree fell, I pushed the kids out of the way… caught a rogue branch RIGHT there.
* I can’t discuss it due to a pending lawsuit with NERF.
* Paper football ain’t no joke, son.
* I’m auditioning for a soap opera at lunch.
* Never open a loan with anyone with a Russian accent if you can’t pay it back on time.
* It’s actually an eye bra.
* Who...
ivegotcurlyhair asked: raise your hand if you were just recommended in the directory by moodymoody...
goddamnit john. raise your hand.
goddamnit john. raise your hand.
ivegotcurlyhair asked: raise your hand if you were just recommended in the directory by moodymoody...
goddamnit john. raise your hand.
goddamnit john. raise your hand.
Shia LaBeouf, Shohreh Aghdashloo and Gabrielle...
‘The Typo.’
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So, a neighborhood boy, possibly no older than 10,...
Me: Yes?
Kid: Do you feel like driving today?
Me: Sorry?
Kid: I want something at McDonalds.
Me: I don't... I don't even know you?
Kid: Yeah you do. Alex plays with me all the time.
Me: Do you not have food at home?
Kid: Yeah? (like I'm an idiot)
Me: Are you home alone?
Kid: Yeah. Except for my older brothers and sisters.
Me: Can they not drive you?
Kid: (Slowly backing away before turning to walk off) No, not really...
So how do I play this?! Do I need to go find out where this kid lives and tell his Mom he's been outright soliciting strangers for rides to McDonalds? Should I bring the kid and his siblings some PB&J's?
I think this means I can finally circle SEEN IT ALL in my diary.
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My mom called me to ask me about my blog...
Considering I just posted a pic of me eating chocolate nekkid on the couch, my blood went cold.
She asked me where online she could read my last short story.
I thought she had figured out my blog address and saw the picture already.
I just emailed her the doc version.
I imagine I kind of know how it feels now when strippers’ dads find out what they do for a living.
