The John Blog

Chuck Roast done. Came out pretty damn good. pats self on back

Sun, 19 May 2013 21:42:33 -0500

Chuck Roast done. Came out pretty damn good. *pats self on back*

Thanks to ABC FAMILY, today I learned that any teen boy with long hair is a rebel with a secret.

Sun, 19 May 2013 16:15:47 -0500

Princess Leia Grilled Cheese Bagel

Sun, 19 May 2013 13:56:06 -0500

Princess Leia Grilled Cheese Bagel

I was invited to a boat show, and I said "I only go to MOTORboat shows."

Sun, 19 May 2013 12:59:56 -0500

Suddenly an Ed Hardy shirt 2 sizes too small appeared on my torso.

Okay. What did I win?

Sun, 19 May 2013 11:21:34 -0500

Okay. What did I win?

“Marinating some beef.”

Sun, 19 May 2013 10:43:00 -0500

“Marinating some beef.”

‘Bedhead Breakfast Run’ sounds like a lost Judy...

Sun, 19 May 2013 09:31:41 -0500

‘Bedhead Breakfast Run’ sounds like a lost Judy Blume novel title.

BTW

Sat, 18 May 2013 20:21:48 -0500

Am I the only one who avoided Tumblr all day to avoid spoiling Doctor Who for me?

Anyone OKAY EVERYONE SHUTUP WATCHING IT NOW

ARB

Sat, 18 May 2013 18:58:29 -0500

ARB

EGGS! AHHHHHH

Sat, 18 May 2013 10:19:23 -0500

EGGS! AHHHHHH

The time CAKE’s ‘Short Skirt, Long Jacket’ was on the radio, and...

Fri, 17 May 2013 19:54:48 -0500

The time CAKE’s ‘Short Skirt, Long Jacket’ was on the radio, and she lies “Me too!” when you proclaim your love for the song.

You grinned as she belted out what she could make out. You realize she is most likely unaware you’re watching. She hams it up for HERSELF.

You almost make a mental note: “Remember this,” but there is absolutely no need. You turned up the radio and synched up your giftless voices.

And you laughed while traffic passed you by. And you’ll remember.

Without question.

Always.

I need to go home

Fri, 17 May 2013 15:33:00 -0500

(At work, about to call vendor whose last name is spelled 'Pusey.' Dials phone)

Me: (to self) Okay, idiot. Pronounce it 'Puh-sigh.' Don't do it you moron. You're not 12. This is adulthood. 'Puh-sigh.' 'Puh-sigh.'

Person answers: Hello?

Me: Yes. May vagina speak to... um... Can I...

Person: Uh...

(Hangs up phone. Slowly pushes away from desk, quietly lays down on floor)

FOUR PLUS ONE * I wanted to show you guys this sweet Game of...

Fri, 17 May 2013 14:07:00 -0500

FOUR PLUS ONE

* I wanted to show you guys this sweet Game of Thrones tee I got for my birthday when something dripped on me from the ceiling, so you know, now it had to go in the trash.

* I don’t care who coined it or the traction it gets. I will never call it a “Selfie.” OMFG, I totes can’t believe that anyone talks like that.

* Comic Con is here and I can’t go because parenthood and writing. I regret nothing.

*One of the new temps is named Dana and she doesn’t get it that I want to change her name plate to Zuul, so when people ask if she’s Dana… nevermind, I’m old.

* I take pictures of myself as a way to try and be more self confident in how I look. I was a fatty in high school and ended up anorexic for a point. I hate how I look all the time and this helps so shut it.

BONUS: I miss everyone.

Reese Witherspoon got the rights to produce the movie version of...

Fri, 17 May 2013 11:35:38 -0500

Reese Witherspoon got the rights to produce the movie version of ‘Gone Girl.’

If you haven’t read it yet, do so. It’s not over rated whatsoever, and one of the best books I’ve read in a long time.

But I really REALLY hope Witherspoon doesn’t play AMY. I don’t have a problem with her, but she’s too Reese Witherspoon. Also, Bradley Cooper’s name is being thrown around. HELL no. Same reason.

I spitballed this with my friend and she ended up coming up with every single perfect person to cast.

Amy Adams as Amy

James Mcavoy as Nick

Anna Paquin as ‘Go.

I wish I could explain why Amy Adams would be perfect, but I would spoil the book for everyone. I am putting photo replies on if anyone wants to disagree or weigh in.

This has been HOLLYWOOD TODAY WITH THE JOHN BLOG (APPARENTLY)

My sister and I have an AMAZINGLY close relationship.

Fri, 17 May 2013 08:53:00 -0500

My sister and I have an AMAZINGLY close relationship.

nicky36: You are really…REALLY…lucky that your phone number is...

Fri, 17 May 2013 08:16:00 -0500

nicky36:

You are really…REALLY…lucky that your phone number is not an iMessage number because I was getting ready to gif bomb the holy hell out of you personally, but this will have to do.

“Don’t ask stupid questions.”

Crying

"Winter is coming."

Fri, 17 May 2013 07:54:03 -0500

“Winter is coming.”

- Assistant director on porn film, ‘Chad Winter’s Big Day at the Sorority’

To clarify, that home screen I posted earlier was my...

Thu, 16 May 2013 20:48:46 -0500

To clarify, that home screen I posted earlier was my co-worker’s. Like I would have a fox news app. Plbbbh!

But this one is from my phone and when I saw it, it gave me the jeeblies.

Stream the entire brand The National album on itunes NOW

Thu, 16 May 2013 14:21:09 -0500

Stream the entire brand The National album on itunes NOW:

You’re welcome

My co-workers have no business leaving their cell phones...

Thu, 16 May 2013 10:55:39 -0500

My co-workers have no business leaving their cell phones unlocked.