I could have written Obama a much better State Of The Union.

Obama strides out with a box under his arms. He carefully lowers it and then slowly removes his shades, putting them in his front pocket. As the applause dies down, he slowly bends down and takes out Bin Laden’s head. The crowd gasps and he tosses it behind him to John Boehner who screeches and immediately starts crying. Obama, arms outstretched, says:

“We all know who’s ahead.”

suddenly there is confetti and guitarist Slash is lowered from a harness from the rafters, playing an insane version of ‘The Star Spangled Banner’ on his guitar. After a half hour standing ovation the President speaks:

“And now, as a surprise, I commissioned the creators of LOST to make a do over on the final episode. One that resolves everything. LOST starts…NOW.”

CUT TO: Episode of LOST that resolves everything.

The next morning, Obama would be sworn in until 2024 by the ghost of Abe Lincoln.

The End.

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