For the mother of my kids, I could have done worse.
Happy Mother’s Day, Jenni. I love you.
Our daughter’s lunch balance is low. I also have a theory that she now knows the phrase “Chocolate milk for everyone… on the house!”
When the Missus wants the Diet Coke, she gets it.
Now if you excuse me, I need to head to the E.R. to get these fingers reattached.
FACT: The minute Wolf Blitzer announced Obama was re-elected, I cheered and kissed my wife like you do when it hits a New Year.
Which I think is apt.
“Excuse me little girl, is your mom coming back soon?”
I need to somehow get her a new office chair, or she’s gonna tell me to stop bugging her at work.
I may or may be running late to my son’s Band exhibition.
LET HE WHO HASN’T BEEN DELAYED BY A DAIRY QUEEN CAST THE FIRST ‘HUNGER BUSTER’
Driving aimlessly, he looked at the fading rain clouds and the setting sun’s last yelp for the day’s relevance.
The odd yellows made an arrow of sorts. He followed it and smiled. It wasn’t grim for once. It was genuine and caused by the discovery.
This was the way home.
TAG! YOU'RE IT!! The rules are to state 10 random facts about yourself and then go to your 10 favorite blogs and tag them.
Laziness prevents me from going to ten different blogs to do this, but I’ll “Tag” this post with people to hit up for info:
1. I can’t swim.
2. Clowns don’t bother me, but I am terrified of marionettes, the film The Exorcist, and the sing-a-majigs. TERRIFIED.
3. I won a jeep when Jennifer was preggers with Molly. We sold it and paid off ALL of our credit cards. Beautiful times.
4. I can’t stand anything deemed “Celebreality.” I think it caters and celebrates idiocy and I think it’s actually harmful for anyone, kids or adults to idolize morons.
5. I will always think I’m fat thanks to an awful stretch in my teens as a fat kid.
6. I have always been better suited to have female friends then male. I always joke that I am the “heterosexual gay boyfriend,” but I am trying to reestablish my friendships with some solid “bros” that I have in real life.
7. I think coleslaw is disgusting and should be eradicated from the earth.
8. I got started in minor internet popularity on Twitter by impersonating Jonah Hill on a dare.
9. I want to help people to a fault. I see people I admire through Tumblr whom I have never met and I want to do pledgies or send them cards or give them hugs because I hate seeing anyone I’m mildly fond of in need or in despair or grief.
10. I have made a quiet vow to do only two things that I fear I cannot accomplish. Finish my book in time for my mother to read it before she’s gone, and inspire at least just one person with fiction I wrote.
It SHOULD be a thing...
Jenni: Ugh. I hate when the swimmers scoop pool water in their mouths before competing!
Me: It must be a "thing." Like when runners eat a banana before a race.
Jenni: That's for the potassium.
Me: ...Or when I eat a handful of peanut butter before working out.
Jenni: ...
Me: ...
Jenni: (quietly) That's NOT a thi...
Me: I MADE IT A THING!
I was supposed to be designated driver last night. Instead I don’t remember getting home but slightly remember yakking on my wife’s purse.
Sooooo she gets french toast for breakfast.
It’s weird, I had five beers over the course of the entire night.
FIVE.
Maybe because I went from “Fuck it, let me have THREE CHEESEBURGERS” to health nut has something to do with it. In the last few weeks I have only had occasional rum and diet coke and last night was the first time I had beer on a long time.
Maybe I metabolized it differently. Maybe it’s just me getting on in my old age.
Anyway, is there anyone else from last night who I owe french toast too?
